70 Year Old Me

I posted this quote on my social media yesterday, as it’s something I really need to drill into my head lately. I was reading an interview in a magazine with Joanna Trollope. She is a very talented author who is now around 70 years old. She was asked a question about what she would tell her 18 year old self.. her answer was pretty much that “there is no need to worry, there is no rush, you have so much time.” And it’s something I really needed to hear. 

I’ve been sat thinking that if I could go back in time there is so much that I would change. That I would have worked harder at university, I would have done work placements or got myself an internship in publishing etc. Just regretting the decisions I’ve made and the effort I’ve put in. I’ve literally just been saying to myself “Alix what are you doing, seriously?” 

But I can’t keep doing that to myself. Unfortunately, life happens. Nothing ever goes how you planned it would. I turn 26 next week and I’ve done none of the things or achieved any of the things I wanted to by the time I was this age. But so what? Does it really matter? Like Joanna said, I have so much time. No I’m not 18 but I’m only 26. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to reach my goals. The things that have happened in my life have made me who I am right now. Stronger, braver, more ambitious. And that can only be a good thing right? 

How could I have predicted that I would face the struggles that I have, no one can do that! But what’s important is what direction I choose to take next, as long as that direction is forward everything else should fall into place. But it’s not going to be next week or next month when my life is exactly how I want it to be, but I’m getting there, slowly but surely. 

I have been the one thing standing in my way for the past few years, and I can’t always control how my mind works. And neither can you. We can’t beat ourselves up about the fact we have had bumps in the road. Mental health has such an impact on people’s day to day lives, and if you’ve had to take a well needed break from reaching your goals, then that shouldn’t be looked down on, and we shouldn’t feel ashamed. At the end of the day that’s taking time to look after yourself, and that should always be your main priority. 

There are so many mature students these days which is amazing, because it really does show that it’s never too late to achieve your dreams. And that’s what I need to keep hold of, and it’s something you need to keep hold of too. There’s no guide book on how you should live your life and  at what age you should do certain things. So just do it at your own pace. It’s your life. Do with it as you bloody well please. 

There’s one piece of advice which I need to keep telling myself to follow, and that’s “stop thinking about the past, you can’t change it, think about the future because you can change that.” I am in control now of what my future holds. Yes I know there’s still going to be ups and downs and failures a long the way, but they will only help me build as a person even more. Take a positive out of everything that happens to you, because it shapes who you are. It’s helping you be the best you can be. 

It’s so good to read interviews with established professionals, especially in the field you are most interested in, because I can guarantee that they felt like you do at some point of their life and career. They can give you much needed reassurance. Just because you haven’t done it yet, doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t. Things do take time, especially with the area that I want to get into. I can’t write a novel and get it published in a day. It’s going to take hard work, perseverance and some serious rejection. But in the end it will be well worth it. I just need to know that I am going in the right direction. Then maybe when I’m 70 years old I will be able to do an interview and thank my younger self for giving this advice and for believing it. 

And that 70 year old me will be a best-selling crime writer with many books to her name. I will look back on my blogs and be grateful that I never gave up, and never let my past or my mental health problems stand in my way of achieving what I always set out to achieve. 

I’ve just realised now that I’m going to mention another quote which I also have tattooed. By now you must be thinking that I’m just covered in script. But I’m really not. I just like to remind myself of certain things. Anyway, I’m digressing. So I have a tattoo just under my collar bone that reads ‘Moving forward, never looking back,’ which I had done around 5/6 years ago now. It relates to my life so much more now than it did back then, but I’m so glad that I decided to get it done. I am at a point in my life now where this means a hell of a lot. 

I need to just leave everything that’s happened, stop stressing about it because really what can I do about it now? Absolutely nothing! It is what it is. Having regrets and dwelling on them just leads to  bad decisions and mistakes. It’s not going to do us any good. But even though I say this, it’s easier said that done. We are still going to wander back there when we lay in bed at night, and people may ask us questions or ponder about where we have been. Don’t be ashamed of it. Please don’t. If you are happy and proud of where you are now then your past has only contributed to that. Everyone has a past, and the great advantage that us humans have, is that we can learn from it. And by learning from it we can conquer the world.

So if you want to be an astronaut, you be an astronaut. If you want to be on Corrie, be on Corrie. Hear about some of the lives of the people close to you, or people who have achieved what they always set out to do. Reignite that fire, and recover from whatever doubt you have inside you, because really, the only person standing in your way, is you.