Remember How Far You’ve Come

I hope that everyone liked my first blog. I feel like this is a way for me to express myself. I’ve always loved writing but I let that go for awhile. I read a quote on Pinterest recently which really hit hard for me. It said “the only person I ever lost and needed back was myself”. I don’t know who wrote this but it is one quote that I don’t think I will ever forget. It’s important that you don’t ever lose sight of how far you’ve come, and no matter what has happened along the way you always come back to yourself. 

It’s days like this that I properly see that. A normal family meal like I’ve had today would, a year ago be a daunting thought. Having to make conversation and answer questions even with the people closest to you was my worst nightmare. The constant hollow feeling just wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard I tried and how hard other people tried I was in a dark place. I was in an argument with myself as to whether things could ever get better. Would I ever get to that point where I could say “I am happy.” The people around me would constantly say that it’s just temporary, you will get better, but that hope just wasn’t there for me. If I could tell myself anything back then it would be that what people are saying is true. Everything is temporary. Each day is a new day. Every morning you wake up is one step closer. There is a way out. It’s so hard to see that future for yourself, so the best thing to do is just see the day ahead of you. That in itself is a great start. 

I can now start to look at my future and see what I want, revisit my past goals and ambitions and really connect with my old self. However, the most important thing i want to say here is... yes I am glad that I am connecting with who I was, regaining my motivation and my drive. But, everything I have been through has made me stronger, braver, and see things completely differently. I said yesterday how I had been watching unrealistic teen shows and having naive hopes and dreams. That was something I’d do while watching the Disney channel at 14/15 years old. I don’t want to be in that mind frame. I want to see a life for myself that is achievable, but most importantly one that will make me happy, because in the end that’s what really matters. 

Even though the lockdown has been an awful And uncertain time we must look at some positives. Maybe if it’s just a new hobby that you’ve discovered or you’ve actually enjoyed cooking rather than eating out all the time, which I am very guilty of. One thing that’s happened for me is I’ve learnt to take care of myself more, I’ve started eating healthily, exercising and I’ve also moved house. Those are big steps for me and they have given me something to focus on. I think that’s how I’ve managed to come out of this the way I have. I’ve been able to identity my unhealthy thoughts and stop myself from getting lost in social media and fiction. 

This is such a win for me. A huge one. You just need to ground yourself. Bring yourself back down to Earth. Once you do this you can let the other pieces of yourself fall back into place, where they were always meant to be. Be kind to yourself though, any step forward, even if it’s tiny, is a start. Don’t ever forget that. And always remember that how you come out the other side is a better version of yourself. You’ve got all the bits that make you you, but you’ve developed, you’ve used your experiences and they’ve helped you grow. 

I can finally now say that a family meal is something I can look forward to. I can smile naturally. I can talk about my life in a way I couldn’t before. I can just be me. I can laugh and joke and have conversations. I can be there not just physically but mentally too. 

There’s a long way to go but I’m enjoying reconnecting with myself, looking in the mirror and seeing someone I recognise. I’m seeing the world through different eyes. Through the eyes of the ambitious person I used to be. But now I’m wiser, tougher and almost ready for my next challenge.