How to deal with life and loss

It’s time to write something new. See something new. Be something I’ve never been before. Who knows what’s going to happen day to day, month to month or year to year. But I want to be excited, joyful, determined. All the positive things I have never known before. We never know what’s round the corner, so we need to live each day. Tell the people close to you that you love them, reach out to everyone of your friends and family. Make everyone feel loved, special, appreciated. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. 

For all of us this unexpected thing we call life, happens.  We wake up each morning not really expecting anything out of the ordinary. We have a shower, get dressed and brush our teeth. We have a routine. But we are never ready for a piece of news which makes the Earth beneath our feet shift. Even if we know deep down that the worst is going to happen, we are never really prepared. 

I hate the fact that we have to face life and death. We see it on TV and in books. We are surrounded by it on the news. This often makes me think when I lay awake at night “what is the point?” “Why am I here?” “Why am I important?” It would be so easy to give up. For so long I saw living each day as the hard part. And it is. We experience so much in our lives and we get to the brink of breaking countless times, but we carry on. 

I believe that the strength of human beings is something we don’t talk about enough. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. We suffer loss, heartbreak, rejection, disappointment, but we keep on going and we conquer. Sometimes we go through a lifetimes worth of pain in such a short space of time and it’s more than any of us can be expected to deal with. And we all deal with it differently. But in the end we all come out stronger. 

We wear our scars proudly because of what we have overcome. We don’t want to admit defeat, and we shouldn’t have too. Each new day we have the opportunity to start again, begin a new chapter, be better than before. We can live life for the loved ones we’ve lost, and be the best versions of ourselves. And most importantly live the best life possible. Yes, we lose people everyday, and it truly rips you apart. But you can keep them alive inside of you by making them proud.  

So many of us have regrets. We wish we had hugged longer, spoken more often, said ‘I love you’ one last time. But many of us don’t get that opportunity. And it hurts. We never think that time will come, but it does. And there’s nothing we can do about it but move on. Just know that when we move on, they are still there, walking alongside you, holding your hand. They are pushing you to carry on and be happy. 

I know there’s so many words you want to say, so say them. Write them a letter. Tell them about your new job, the new relationship you are now in, the amazing holiday you have just been on. Read it out loud, they’ll be listening. And then one day, you will meet them again, in a world better than this one. And you will talk and talk about all the things you have seen and all the things you have done. And you’ll have so much time that you’ll never have to shut up. 

I know this is quite doom and gloom and not always the best thing to write about. But things have happened recently that have made me think about the losses I have experienced while suffering from depression and how I’ve managed to deal with them on top of everything else. I lost my Nan and Grandad within 6 months of each other as well as a bad break up from a long term relationship, which ended with me being at my very lowest. When I think about it now it’s all kind of a blur. Each day moulding into one, walking round in a daze. I often think to myself now, “how did I overcome that? How did I pick myself up from being in so much pain that I was crying on the living room floor?” 

Most importantly I had help. I didn’t pick myself up off the living room floor, I had family who did that. Yes they did everything in their power to hold me up, but in the end the only person who could really make a difference was me. And I will be forever shocked and taken aback by the strength I managed to master from deep inside of me. Unfortunately, many of us have to find that strength every day. If there’s any way that we can make it that little bit easier, then we must try. 

Try with all your might to not have regrets. Don’t think think and think some more. Don’t dwell on what’s ifs. Do what you can to feel close to those people you’ve lost, and find a way to communicate and get your feelings out. Don’t hold it in. Imagine what they would be saying to you right now. They wouldn’t want you suffering and beating yourself up about things you didn’t say or do. They will want you to realise that life is too short and that we have to grab it with both hands. Make yourself do more. If not for you, then do it for them. Do the things on their bucket list as well as your own. 

We live lives that are unpredictable, there are sad times, happy times, scary times, times of unbelievable highs, and even worse lows. It can be a dream and it can be a nightmare. We love, we hate, we win and we lose. We experience every possible emotion. We make choices. We travel or we stand still. We take risks or we stay comfortable. It’s a journey. A rollercoaster of a journey. One that we all have to embark upon. When we cry for the very first time after making a dramatic entrance we are preparing for what’s ahead. We can only be protected so much and for so long, then we have to stand alone. And we can. We can take a deep breathe, clench our fists, and show life who’s boss. 

One final thing I want to say is when you are making those memories for the people you’ve lost, take as many photos as you possibly can. When those moments pass you by and you are feeling lost or lonely you can look back on them and feel a warmth and comfort that you didn’t know you needed. Those moments pass you by so quickly, and they are the ones that you cherish the most. So make the most of every minute and every second. Be grateful, be humble. The biggest treasure in life isn’t  money, it isn’t having the biggest house or the most expensive car. It’s family and friends. It’s enjoying yourself. And most importantly, it’s being happy.